Dealing with Grief and Loss

When facing the death of a loved one, you may be dealing with tremendous grief and confusion about the changes ahead.

<aside> ⚠️ If you are in crisis, call the BC Bereavement helpline: 604-738-9950 or (toll-free) 1-877-779-2223

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There are many resources to help you cope with grief, and to help you recover and move forward. There are counsellors who help people deal with grief. You may be more comfortable talking with a spiritual advisor or your family doctor, who might recommend other resources.

The People’s Law School publication A Death in Your Family is available online at Clicklaw. It provides information about preparing for the passing of a loved one and the arrangements after, as well as ideas about where to find support.

Remember that there is no shame in reaching out, and there are people who can help.

The famous psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified 5 stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying, which was first published in 1969. These stages may apply to someone who is dying, or they may apply to a person who is dealing with the death of a loved one.

Denial	refusing to accept death, and refusing to accept that some changes are final.
Anger	blaming people, including yourself, for letting this happen.
Bargaining	searching for a way to avoid death or ease pain, perhaps by promising to make a commitment or sacrifice.
Depression	giving up hope that life will ever be enjoyable again.
Acceptance	after recognizing that death brings changes that cannot be reversed,
finding reconciliation and eventually peace as it all becomes easier to
bear.

Final Estate Planning

Despite your grief, if you can talk about final planning with a loved one who may be nearing death, you might be able to give your loved one peace, and save yourself and the family distress and needless expense later.

Difficult Conversations

There may be matters that will arise after death that the will-maker can help with now:

First, is there a will?
If so, where is it, and does it still reflect the will-maker’s wishes?

If there is no will, or if it is outdated, take this opportunity to encourage your loved one to make a current will.